Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..

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  (651): You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold.. http://tfl.nu/rd4a
  Replies (18) Good night (5890) Bad night (724)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

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  (915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on (1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me http://tfl.nu/h8za
  Replies (49) Good night (1050) Bad night (15232)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

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  (303): We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen. http://tfl.nu/slj5
  Replies (22) Good night (7245) Bad night (1056)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

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  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (6327) Bad night (1034)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

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  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8652) Bad night (1102)
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  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

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  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (14430) Bad night (1293)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.

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  (208): You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish. http://tfl.nu/85ra
  Replies (9) Good night (615) Bad night (1659)
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  (002): View more from

  There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink

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  (002): There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink http://tfl.nu/tsjq
  Replies (8) Good night (1861) Bad night (517)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?

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  (617): I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went? http://tfl.nu/d06s
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (1048)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.

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  (973): But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing. http://tfl.nu/ee1i
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (519)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.

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  (815): It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/yfvq
  Replies (14) Good night (387) Bad night (982)
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  (925): View more from California

  Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?

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  (925): Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat? http://tfl.nu/9elv
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (373)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.

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  (407): My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call. http://tfl.nu/2c6j
  Replies (8) Good night (673) Bad night (313)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.

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  (850): I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman. http://tfl.nu/btmi
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (184)
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  (415): View more from California

  His crazy is a thing to be cherished

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  (415): His crazy is a thing to be cherished http://tfl.nu/i8hb
  Replies (0) Good night (253) Bad night (149)

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