party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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