Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack