I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?