I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing