this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.