my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects