anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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