I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this