Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I supernannyed him into submission