don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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