So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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