am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
