At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
