The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
