I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
