You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
