no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
