New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
