Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
