I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to sanitize my soul.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
