I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
