honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
