She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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