are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
