Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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