I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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