Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
