I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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