have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
