I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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