I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
