Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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