just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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