Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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