I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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