Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
