My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
