If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
