girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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