Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
