I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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