she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
