I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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