I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
