Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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