smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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