Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
