I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
