Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
