Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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