I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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