guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
