How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
