I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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