She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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