so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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