Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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