I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bring me that man meat
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
