...so i touched it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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