Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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