i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
