I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize