no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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