this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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