ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You took a bar mat shot.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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