Sponge bath it is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
