non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
