Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.

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(281): View more from Texas

I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

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(203): View more from Connecticut

whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard

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(210): View more from Texas

He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.

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(530): View more from California

I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.

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(801): View more from Utah

I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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(516): View more from New York

Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow

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(859): View more from Kentucky

There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.

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