Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
