did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
