i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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