I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
