you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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