Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize