To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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