Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
