Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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