Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
