just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
