I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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