I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
