dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
